Are you ready for relationship?

Are you sufficient mature in age and emotionally?

• Unable to adequate distinguish between infatuation and love
• Usually unable to exercise sufficient self-control to maintain a relationship without getting overly emotional or physical
• Yet to work out the type of person they will be able to settle down with for the rest of their lives.
• Insufficient mature to handle issues that arises in relationship with wisdom. This can lead to unwise decisions that can wreck the relationship

Are you ready to get married within next 3 years? As courtship should lead towards a possible marriage, courtship should not simply for fun or experimentation. It should be very serious commitment, there shouldn’t enter courtship unless certain that soon you will be ready for marriage. The span of 3 years is rough guideline; consider readiness in terms of maturity, economic situation and Gods will. Ecc: 31, 8

Have you developed consistent walk with God? If your relationship with God is neither stable nor consistent, it is better not to be distracted at this stage and focus on growing in God first cause can get distracted once they get involved in romantic relationship. It is recommended the first year of young believer’s walk, they should be discouraged from any romantic relationships.

Is your ministry to which God is calling you sufficiently developed? Will your service to God continue to grow or stagnate? It is very much like aeroplane attempting to take off but has not had enough time to build up critical speed. It is question of faithfulness before God in our ministry (1 Co 4:2, 1 Pet 4:10). Remember our marriage should enhance our service to God.

Will you be able to put God first? (Deut 6:5, Ex 20:4-5) Can you still put God first and make sure you do not make your relationship an idol?

Can you adequately manage your time and lives? If cannot adequately manage yourselves at present, you cannot hope to manage another person. Will your studies, work or ministry suffer significantly if you get involved in romantic relationship?

Have you prayed and asked God? (Jam 1:5). You should not make decisions on your own alone but seek Gods wisdom and approval. God knows what is best for us and you need to trust his answer.

Have you sought wise counsel that confirmed you are ready? (Pr 11:14, 1 Pet 5:5, Heb 13:17). Have you sought mature leaders, parents, and listen to their objective answers? It is important to submit to counsel of God’s delegated authority such as godly parents and church leaders (Prov. 11:14). At times we may not be aware of certain shortcomings in our lives which will hindrance to fulfilling relationship. Wise counsellors can discern those shortcomings and alert us to it. Key is to humble ourselves and seek wise counsel.

Is this the right timing? Although you obtain positive answer to all above, may not be good time to initiate romantic relationship, before major examination, going away for long time, family problems to deal with. Or you made some promise to God that you not get involve until finish study, grow care group etc. This is keeping integrity of our promise.

Stages in developing romantic interest:

1. Initial evaluation
• Are you ready for romantic relationship on platonic level?
• Do you know them well enough on platonic level? Their friends and family, how they hand problems, see person’s shortcoming, see appreciate person
• Does the other person fulfil appropriate criteria for possible partner?
• Is it right timing?
• For man: will we be able to lead the relationship spiritually and natural terms? For woman: will we be able to accept their leadership? Eph 5:23-24
• Have you received confirmation from wise counsel? Pro 1:5, Pro 5:1, Pro 15:22; They will protect us from making wrong decisions, unnecessary embarrassment
• Is it OK with God?
2. Expression of interest.

Spiritual Covering:

Importance of spiritual covering: 3 types of relationship influence our lives. Our relationship with immediate family greatly influences how we grow up in our lives, relationship with God determines our eternal destiny and third important relationship is that with our spouse for it greatly influences what we do with our lives.

Benefit of spiritual covering: Purpose of spiritual covering is for wise and experiences people to be able to look over the relationship in order to give sound advise on helping the relationship develop biblically as well as to help avoid potential pitfalls. They can pray and help protect us from enemy who seeks to ruin all relationship.

Who can cover us? Spiritual leaders matured Christian couples or godly parents.

God has designed marriage to be beautiful union between a man and a woman. The extent to which we enjoy this heaven on earth depends considerably to whether we follow Gods principles in our courtship.

Romantic Choice Hope Brisbane.

M e Tarzan, You Jane!

How to make the best choice!

One day as Adam and eve were enjoying the beautiful sunset, Eve turned around and asked Adam, “Adam, if you have to do it all over again, would you choose me?” Adam reflected for a moment and replied, “Who else?” Sometimes we might wish that choosing a partner would be as easy as it was back then. Then we would surely hit God’s will right on the target. Who is Ms or Mr Perfect Will for me? Some believe that God has perfect will for which we should marry, but in general God wants us to make wise prayerful decisions. Supported by many scriptural verses that exhort us to find a good wife and reflect by example of various biblical characters (Pr 18:22, 1 Sam 25:39).

Criteria to look for in a life partner

Vision and goals in life: (Amos 3:3) Share same vision and goals in life, important to know Gods will otherwise you will not be able to accomplish it or be all that God wants you to be. When couple does not share same vision, it may seem fine at first but later problems will arise. Disagreement may arise due to differences in perspective in regard to:

• Finance: gain more for personal use and comfort versus use for Gods kingdom
• Career: to advance as much as possible versus which suits Gods purpose
• Time and energy: spending more time for family versus spending time for God
• Ministry: nominal ministry versus whole-hearted ministry
• Raising children: own cultures way versus Gods way

Our vision should be in line with Gods overall vision Mt 28:19-20 and God is pleased when we choose to follow Gods vision and look for those with same vision Phil 2:2.

Maturity: every Christian is to reach maturity in Christ (Eph 5:26-27, 4:13-14), hence we should look for those who intend to develop unto maturity (2 Cor 3:18) in all aspects of their lives: spiritually, emotionally, intellectually and socially.

Example maturity in life of Ruth:

• Loyalty (Ruth 1:16) loyal to friends and family? Do they give honour and respect to others? This will reflect how loyal they will be to you.
• Responsibility (Ruth 2:2). Are they dependable and take responsibility towards their assigned duties? This will indicate how dependable they will be to you.
• Humility (Ruth 2:7) Are they humble and teachable? And arrogant person is very hard to live with. God can change a humble person and they will become better person with time.
• Diligence (Ruth 2:7)
• Gratitude (Ruth 2:10)
• Thoughtfulness (Ruth 2:14, Ruth 2:18)
• Submission (Ruth 3:5) Do they submit to their parents and leaders in church? Do they submit to Gods word?

Example maturity in life of Boaz:

• Kindness (Ruth 2:8-9, Ruth 2:14). Are they kind to others or do they take advantage of others?
• Integrity (Ruth 3:12). Do they handle their affairs with integrity? If they cheat others, they could cheat on you.
• Nobility (Ruth 3:14). Are their actions noble?
• Responsibility (Ruth 3:18)
• Generosity (Ruth 3:15)
• Wisdom (Ruth 4). Do they make wise decisions in their life such as studies, work, finance, lifestyle, etc?

Are they continuing to grow in walk with God? It is not where they are today but where they are headed in spiritual walk. Are they sufficient in mature spiritually?

Compatibility: Must be compatibility in key areas so both can work together well. Lack compatibility can cause major difficulties in communication and understanding one another’s way of thinking.

• Spiritual: 2 Co 6:14
• Personality: be able to work and relate well together both be able to support each other as friends and get along with each other in daily life.
• Intellectual compatibility: vast difference intellectually can cause problems in manner they approach life
• Social compatibility: differences in this area can adversely affect our social life as we have mix with very different types of friends
• Other: likes/dislikes, habits can accommodate differences, physical looks, stature, medical condition, talents and gifting.
• Complimentary: Gen 2:18
• Love: Love provide initial spark but it is also commitment of love that will bind the relationship together. Col 3:10
• Commitment: Are they sufficiently committed Christian, neither cold nor lukewarm. Rev 3:16
• Effectiveness: will person as life partner make us most effective for the kingdom of God? Sum of total of couples life and ministry should be greater than their own individually. Lev 26:8.

If we devote ourselves to God’s purposes, we will always get the best from God. Rom 8:28.

Based on Romantic Choices seminar Hope Brisbane