Communication

Communication

Interlude:
Communication is crucial to human beings, if we don’t communicate we wont be able to form relationships. God intends us to speak, to share our thoughts and encourage one another, hence he gave us a mouth so words can come out of it.

Role Play:

Wrong approaches to conflict:

1. Explode and lose temper.
   The bible teaches us to be slow to anger. James 1:19 “My dear brothers, take not of this: everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry”

Are you a perfectionist who have sky-high standard for everyone as well? Our intentions are good that we want to do the best but our expectation can cause us to get angry easily with those who fail to meet those standards even when they are doing their best. Yet we do not understand why they are not meeting “our” standards.

What we need to aim for is to be kinder, more understanding, and more willingly to accommodate.

2. Defensive attitude.
   Sometimes before we say something we have to make a wide range of excuses before we say it. Otherwise, we blame someone else, shut up and keep quiet. Some may even break down and cry, women’s best tool in conflict is their tears. Mens best tool is avoidance.
   

Genesis 3:!2 “the man said, the woman you put here with me – she gave me some fruit for the tree, and I ate it”

3. Silence aka cold war.
   Some people pride themselves on always being collected and calm. They would never explode all the time. However it does not mean that there is no anger; it just happens to be inward, introverted anger that is kept ever so tightly bottled up. The lid is kept on it, one day it will erupt.

Attitudes we should have in communication

1. Honesty

When we mean yes, we should mean yes, and no to be no. Matthew 5:37 “simply let your yes be yes, and your no, no; anything beyond this comes from evil one” ; Ephesians 4:15, 25 “instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the head, that is Christ… therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body”

2. Love

We must check ourselves before we speak if it is from anger or out of love. Ephesians 4:15 “instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow into him who is the head that is Christ” ; Proverbs 16:24 “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones”

3. Humility
   Be willing to admit that we are wrong and that we have sinned against other person that we acted wrongly and perhaps judged them wrongly. Romans 14:15 “you, then, why do you judge your brother? Or why do you look down on your brother? For we will all stand before God’s judgment seat” ; Galatians 6:1 “brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted”

4. Wisdom

Speaking proper words at the appropriate time requires wisdom. Colossians 4:6 “let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone” ; Proverbs 15:1 “a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” ; Proverbs 25:11 “a word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver”

5. Optimistic faith

Believe the best is given situation and that god is going to lead us to the best possible outcome. Proverbs 20:24 “a man’s steps are directed by the lord. How then can anyone understand his own way?” ; Ephesians 5:19 “speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the lord”

Right approach to solving conflicts

1. Admit mistake first.

Be the first to admit our mistake, even if we are only a teeny weeny bit responsible. Our minute contribution to the conflict is still weighty in Gods eyes. If we do not forgive, or admit your mistake we are wrong before God. It takes humility. Must examine ourselves before we start point fingers, “where have I gone wrong in this situation” ; Romans 2:1 “you therefore have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things.”

2. Explain our mistake.

We can explain why we did what we did, yet we have to ensure that we are not making excuses but really explaining what motivated us. If we do not explain our actions/reactions, some misunderstanding may remain. E.g. had a long day at work feeling down, flu coming on, worn out etc. This helps create understanding.

3. Let the other person know their mistake.

Good way is to ask a question, “would you give me permission to tell you where you upset me?” then “well, maybe I’m wrong but I see it like this…” and gently put it to them. Without condemnation. Never mix fact with interpretation. Need to get our facts straight. So people can come and give us the interpretation of the facts and not the facts itself, so be careful!

4. Let the other person explain their mistake.Hopefully other person also apologized and let the other person have chance to explain their point of view.
   

5. Forgive one another.

Follow all above we should apologize to one another and reassure one another of our constant love. We then tell the other person that we wholly forget this incident and that it will never be talked about ever again. God has forgiven us, we have forgiven each other and it is gone.

6. Pray for one another.

Ask god to bless us and give us more grace and maturity.

(Based on Family Church)